


There Will Cum Soft Dicks

by Holy_Leonards



Series: The Cock Twitch Zone [2]
Category: Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Twilight Zone
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Daring, Ghosts, M/M, Misogyny, Oral Sex, Scaring, toxic masculinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 14:28:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6614245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two phony baloney heterosexuals try to out man each other, butt end up extra manning on each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Will Cum Soft Dicks

**Author's Note:**

> This is the lost last episode of the Twilight Zone. Before Rod Serling got arrested for murdering two of his writers. I got the chance to see this on an strange, and new website. Don't ask which one, it is a secret. Submitted for your approval, There Will Cum Soft Dicks.

_Two men_ _with more in common than either thinks._ _One, a bitter, old photographer who'd rather be in front of the camera. The other, a horny tough mustache._ _A rumored haunting, a condom, and their matching desires have brought them together._ _But_ _the solution to their personality flaws can only_ _be found...in the Cock Twitch Zone._ [Pained Expression, Rod clearly hating his job]

 

 

**[Spooky** _**The Twilight Zone** _ **Music]**

 

 

“Listen, Dick, I don't want you fooling around in that old house alone.”

 

“Maria, I already told you, I'm not going to be alone,” the young man said, exasperated. Chicks, amirite, fellas?

 

“Oh, what good that'll do! Batch is, what? 65 years old? You two get attacked by a wild animal, what's he gonna do? Tell 'em about the good, old days?”

 

“I'm standing right here, and the name is _Butch_.”

 

Maria ignored him. “And his photography hobby is weird.” She spat out the last word like it was poison. “It's all pictures of naked men through their windows at night.”

 

“Listen,” Dick began, “I have to do this.”  
  


“Why?”  
  


“So I can prove I'm braver than Botch, and everyone else in this town.”

 

“The name is Butch.”

 

Maria rebutted, “Literally, that isn't important enough to die over. There's a line between brave, and stupid. ”

 

Dick slung a greasy arm over Maria shoulder, pulling her into a half hug. Her face right next to his bare, sweaty armpit. She gagged on the cheap cologne. “See, Maria. You don't get it, because you have a scaredy lady brain. The thing is, I have to prove this, or else I might as well be taking it in the butt.”

 

“What?”

 

What?

 

Dick begins, “Bitch-”

 

“Butch”

 

Dick continues, “- and I have a deal, whoever leaves first, has to take the other's dick.”

 

“You don't have to take anyone's dick.”

“We do, we had an agreement.”

 

“There's law's against this, guys.”

 

Dick looked her straight in the eyes, “Listen, he and I made bet.” he winked uncontrollably throughout the sentence. “He and I have – wink – to have - wink wink - sex.”

 

Maria stared at him for a moment. “Alright, have fun with your weird gay sex games. I really didn't need to know about your BDSM roleplay kink.”

 

“It's not a gay sex thing! It's punishment for who fails this dare!”

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

Night fell. Butch and Dick met just outside the haunted house, trying to shield themselves from the storm. Neither brought an umbrella.

 

“It's raining pretty hard, isn't it?” Butch said.   
  


Dick didn't answer, for he was too busy ogling the tight, white, wet t-shirt the older man was sporting.

 

“Dick?”

 

“I'll give you some dick, baby.”   
  


“What?”

 

“Er, nothing!” Dick quickly changed the subject. “Butch, did you really have to bring that camera?”   
  


“It's Bu- Oh... Yes, I did. If this place is actually haunted, I wanna get some photos.”   
  


“Ha! You believe in ghosts! You're definitely gonna lose! Your ass is grass, and I hope it's tight, because I'm gonna mow it!”

 

There was a bolt of lightning, and the wind picked up. The two men hurried inside, from the frigid -heh- weather.

 

The second they stepped inside, they began unpacking their things: zuccini, bananas, lubrication (for guns, gun lube), cock rings, a camera, condoms, more bananas, hamsters, a map of Sweden, and four well-worn copies of _Drawing Blood_ by Poppy Z. Brite.

 

Suddenly, a ghost went “BOO!”

 

Both men screamed.

 

“Oh bologna,” Dick said. “We both lost.”

 

“Who's gonna take it?” Butch said.

 

A ghostly voice sounded, “Dick screamed first! Boo! Also, why are these books' pages all stuck together?”

 

The men screamed again.

 

In the Navy by The Village People started blaring in the background. A disco ball descended in time with both mens' ballses.

 

He rubbed his old, grimy, photograph solution stained hands together.

 

"DIIIIIIIICK, buddy ole' pal, you lost."

 

"So I did."

 

Dick was panting heavily, trying his hardest-heh-to look like he was upset by that fact.

 

"Well, the mood is set, you wanna go?"

 

"Because I must, brother, because I must."

 

They engaged into a sloppy spit-swapping makeout match. Both sweaty from all of the scaring that just took place. Hands were reaching into pantses which led to ballses being gropeded. They were a little too into it as Bitch-

 

"That's BUTCH!"

 

 **BUTCH** ripped off the hadn't-been-cleaned-in-seven-months jeans. The smegma caked head drove **BUTCH** crazy.

 

"And then I'm gonna suck Dick's diiiiiick."

 

And suck his dick he did. Dick did not even pretend anymore. He was right into it. He kept grabbing at Butch's hair to try to keep it out of his face, forgetting that he was finally getting head from a man, rather than getting lady brain. The smegma was being cleared to reveal just how true his size claims were...FALSE!

 

 **BUTCH** lifted up, laughing.

 

"You lied! Its TWO inches!"

 

"Shut up, Bitch!"

 

 **BUTCH** flipped Dick over and spread the unwashed cheeks.

 

"Dick, brother, you need to learn how to wipe!"

 

"Its called lube, you old geezer!"

 

Butch shrugged, then slipped his wrinkle dick in between the thin buns of the man. The whole ordeal lasted for about thirty seconds before they both came in a yell of glory.

 

They both got dressed and looked at each other, both really happy for once.

 

Suddenly, the Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme starts playing in place of In the Navy. A shadow, illuminated on the wall. It's dick sticking out equally as far as it's stomach.

 

“Good evening,” said the ghost.

 

The men gasped. They knew what that meant:

 

1.) For half an hour, all entertainment screeches to a halt.

2.) That shadow is the last thing you see before you lose your virginity.

 

“Our virginities!” The men screamed.

 

The men ran out of the house, leaving behind all their sexy goodies.

 

 

 _Two men with one desire,_ _to be the tougher, braver, and str8er than everyone else_ _._ _This story can be found on T, for Toxic Masculinity, in_ _...The Cock Twitch Zone._ [Even more pained expression, Rod clearly, deeply hating his job] [Rod plots the deaths of his newest story writing team]

 

 

 

 


End file.
